I have a friend who I lost touch with over the past few weeks. I would love nothing more than to hear from this friend again. And then there is that “friend” who makes me wish I had never opened my inbox.

The friend I hope to hear from again soon is the bluntest individual I have ever met; bluntness mixed with open disdain for most of the people at their workplace, a general dislike of their current hometown, and a sarcastic sense of humor. I miss hearing it all.

 The person I hope I never hear from again, I’ll call “Sally.”  When you meet Sally, she is quite charming and outwardly warm and loving toward all. She comes across as open, trusting, warm, and very social; all of those things you’re “supposed” to be if you want to make and keep friends.  We began talking because I shared my information packet with her during our first week of graduate school when she forgot hers and she seemed so thankful for the rescue, she rewarded me with her undying “friendship.”

Our most recent exchanges involved Sally telling me just how wonderful I am for being willing to listen to her, then moved on to Sally’s friend Karen. I have never met Karen, and was not even sure which person Sally was referring to at first, for Sally apparently has a virtual stable full of people willing to drop out of their own lives for days, weeks, even several months at a time to come and take care of her. By the time Karen entered the story I had grown used to most of Sally’s tales of friends who just weren’t serving her correctly; the three hour chats about how alone she is because she can’t find a permanent boyfriend that concluded in an hour long tale of the people she was either expecting to show up to give her money, or free labor on her property, or rides to appointments (often including a guy she was dating), her open admissions that she just wants one of these guys to marry her so he can build her a better house, how she hates our former school because nobody checked on her when she got sick after dinner one night and her advisor made her re-write a paper…it was all pretty typical Sally.  

Still, her stories about Karen made me hope Sally and I never got any closer as “friends.” I never got a lot of details about what Karen’s life entailed, but whatever she had going  she put it all on hold to move in with Sally and take care of her before, during, and after Sally had surgery. Karen’s first “crime” occurred when she insisted upon watching television shows she liked after a long day of caring for Sally, who, despite the ability to sit on the computer and e-mail and chat for hours, cook dinner for dates, and take road trips, swore she could do nothing for herself. That tale concluded with the statement that Karen was “financially generous” and did most of what she needed done, so Sally would put up with her until someone more willing to do everything she needed them to do came along….and she really hoped I could visit soon.

I ran into Sally on a social networking site a few days ago and remarked that I was glad her surgery had gone well and that she was doing better. Sally’s response was to refer to Karen with an expletive, as she did not bring a blanket or a coat to cover her when she picked her up from the hospital.

My friend I miss is not someone who would ever slather on excessive praise, thank me profusely for keeping in touch, or open up to anyone and everyone they met…they are also someone who would never use a friend, and are in fact one of the most genuinely warm and kind people I have ever met. Given the choice between being told I’m a wonderful friend by someone like Sally and being  treated like a friend by someone who takes the time to simply share some snarky comments and observations with me…..well, I can’t wait to hear what the office idiots did this week.